Monday, December 12, 2005

LIVE BLOGGIN' WITH THE ILLUSION!

Well, despite the fact I think there are about 231 other things I should be doing tonight, I have chosen to do a live blog of the monumental clash between the Atlanta Falcons and NOSABR Saints. It's the first day here at The Vick Illusion, so we have to do something to make this blog stand out.

Tonight's focus, obviously, will be the performance of The Illusion himself. Although The Illusion is likely to come away in this must-win game for the Falcons with a victory, he is sure to entertain by making several poor decisions that will allow his team to win by only three instead of 30.


Even though I will surely suffer from having to watch The Illusion masquerade as a quarterback for three hours, you have to truly feel sorry for Brian Finneran, Michael Jenkins, Jerome Pathon, Roddy White and Dwayne Blakely. Who are they, you ask? Well, they are the Falcons wide receivers; and, considering The Illusion is the one tossing them the ball, the poor souls will likely only have three receptions among them. In other words, they should be truly bored. Maybe Alge Crumpler will pitch them the ball during one play just to make them feel special.

Hope you enjoy. Updates throughout!

14:03 1Q:
On third and four, Vick valiantly runs backwards and heaves ball into the middle of the field where it falls within at least 10 yards of a Falcons receiver. Well, at least he didn't spike himself.

11:19 1Q: Joe Horn screws up Aaron Brooks' best pass of the year, fumbles after gaining 20 yards. Vick family just happy to see family member complete a forward pass in first five minutes.

10:23 1Q:
The Illusion valiantly leads Falcons on three-play, 11-yard scoring drive, which included a pass to Dunn that took all the skill of flushing a toilet. Atlanta 7, New Orleans 0.

9:29 1Q: Falcons give NOSABR Saints free first down with illegal hands to the face penalty on third down, delaying the inevitable Illusion interception for at least a few more minutes.

4:58 1Q: Yet another first down via the penalty for NOSABR. Apparently, the Atlanta defense realizes the importance of keeping The Illusion on the bench.

3:05 1Q: Saints complete 14-play drive with a field goal, making a game of it and forcing The Illusion to play mistake-free football for at least one more possession. Atlanta 7, New Orleans 3.

2:45 1Q: The Illusion runs for 10 yards. Hey, I will admit this, the guy is fast. On another note, for a brief moment there, it looked as if The Illusion had a freak accident on the sideline that could have caused a serious injury. Luckily, he managed to escape harm as this blog would not be entertaining if The Illusion spent the rest of the year warming the pine.

2:20 1Q: WHEEEEEEE!!!!! The Illusion fires a five-yard pass at least 10 feet over Dunn's head. Heck, even this tall sob couldn't have caught that one!

0:48 1Q: The Illusion realizes running into his own lineman is not the best option on third and eight. Falcons forced to punt.

END OF THE FIRST QUARTER: Through one quarter of play, The Illusion is 2-of-6 for 32 yards. A line The Experiment would truly be proud of. Unfortunately, the fearsome fivesome that are the Falcons wide receivers have zero catches on the night. We at The Vick Illusion sure hope they do not have any self-esteem issues. Atlanta 7, New Orleans 3.

13:40 2Q: The Illusion completes a pass to our friend the wide receiver! Al Michaels then shows self-restraint by not yelling "Do you believe in miracles!" for the second time in his storied career. Well, I believe I just saw one.

13:00 2Q: The inevitable happens. The Illusion throws a pick; but, hey, at least the guy made the tackle. NOSABR Saints take advantage and punch it in from four yards out as they take the lead. Maybe The Illusion felt bad for the Saints and their -18 turnover ratio. If that's the case, then he is just one swell guy. After all, it is the season of giving. NOSABR 10, Atlanta 7.

11:45 2Q: The Illusion is in the spirit of giving again as he launches a ball 10 feet over the receivers head. To bad for NOSABR fans, Dwight Smith shows why he's a safety by dropping a sure interception.

6:06 2Q: The Illusion, no longer in the holiday spirit, leads Atlanta on a touchdown drive where he even makes a couple of decent passes. Our friends the receivers are all smiles as they make a couple of nice catches. Replay justifies The Illusion's existence, overturning a call and giving the subject of this blog a rushing touchdown. Atlanta 14, NOSABR 10.

5:30 2Q:
Sam Ryan gives a sideline report. I have no idea what the hell she was talking about; but, I do know that her husband wears size six shoes. That's a story for a different time.

4:20 2Q: Demorrio Williams decides to hit Brooks late, taking away a Falcons defensive touchdown. The Illusion sits on the sideline in disgust as he realizes the four-point lead means he has to do his best to not screw up for at least another possession.

2:20 2Q: On third and long, Brooks scrambles as Michaels says "Brooks doing his best Vick impression," which leaves us confused, since, you know, he didn't turn the ball over or anything.

2:00 2Q: Ladies and gentleman, a two-minute offense led by The Illusion! Sit back and enjoy!

1:40 2Q: The Illusion throws into triple coverage; but, gets away with it since it is the Saints after all. The Illusion is putting together a pretty good quarter, minus the interception. Atlanta 21, NOSABR 10.

HALFTIME: No quit in NOSABR as it scores a touchdown right before the half. Pretty entertaining first half; and, we admit, a pretty good half for The Illusion as well. 8-of-15 for 166 yards with a touchdown and an interception. Then again, his interception is allowing the Saints to stay in the game at this point. However, I will agree to drop The Experiment comparisons. Atlanta 21, NOSABR 17.

Since we have 12 minutes to kill at The Vick Illusion, we feel as a public service we need to remind the kids to pay attention in sex education class. The Illusion didn't, and it only came back to haunt him. Come on now, you didn't think we were going to get through the first day of this blog without a reference to that incident, did you?

12:06 3Q: The Illusion misses a wide-open Crumpler on third and short and rips his chin strap off in disgust. Kind of like his passes at the receivers, however, The Illusion whiffs on his first attempt to connect with the chin strap.

8:00 3Q: Doing his best to spite the opening day of this blog, The Illusion completes a nice pass to Crumpler and then runs in for a touchdown. We belive; and, we hope, this will lead to some talking head declaring The Illusion the greatest thing since sliced bread tomorrow. But, we are pretty sure it's just because he's going against the Saints. If The Illusion keeps this up, he just might become the next Jon Kitna. Atlanta 28, NOSABR 17.

7:00 3Q: Apparently, the agents for the two stellar quarterbacks in tonight's battle wanted them to give a different sport a try this offseason.

END OF THE THIRD QUARTER: A pretty uneventful third quarter comes to an end. Although, the refs did get a lot of face time over the last 15 minutes. This has to be one of the longest games in MNF history. I'm supposed to be at a poker game right now so this thing needs to hurry up. On the bright side, The Illusion did wing a couple of passes about 15 yards too far on the last drive, just for old times sake. Oh, and the rare safety puts this one away. Atlanta 30, NOSABR 17.

Well, considering the fine folks at ABC just put up a stat saying New Orleans is something like 0-127 on the road when trailing in a game by 10 or more points heading into the fourth quarter, I've decided to cut this live blog short. After all, I do have that poker game I need to go to; and, after three hours, my ass is getting sore. So, just in case you are mad that the live blog has ended, this picture should cheer you up.

(Editor's note: The Illusion left the game after getting hit in the ribs early in the fourth. Although we are glad it appears as if this will not keep The Illusion out of any games this season and everything is going to be fine, we are glad we did not miss any Illusion fourth-quarter action. Thank you, NOSABR cheap-shot artist.)


1 Comments:

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3:09 AM  

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