Friday, December 16, 2005

The Illusion Preview:
Cold and Wind and Grass, Oh My!

This week The Illusion and the Atlanta Falcons (aka the guys who carry their out-of-position quarterback to 9-11 wins a season) travel to the Windy City to take on the Chicago Bears in an important NFC clash with playoff implications. Needless to say, we are not all that confident about the prospect of The Illusion having much success in an environment where the conditions are pretty much the polar opposite of the warm confines of the Georgia Dome.

All indications point to temperatures so cold The Illusion's snot flying out of his nose will freeze before it hits the ground once a roid-ragin', Hilton-lovin' Brian Urlacher lights him up like a Christmas tree.
After the Bears poor performance against the Steelers (which was pretty predictable, since it was NFC vs. AFC; or, junior varsity vs. varsity as we call it around here) it's pretty obvious Chicago will be ready for this game. Not to mention the fact The Illusion had a pretty good week last week. And as we all know, the chances of The Illusion putting back-to-back solid performances are about as good as the chances of a team that signs a .240 hitting first baseman, a career eight-hole hitter and a pitcher who makes Lima Time look like he's the next Roger Clemens winning the 2006 World Series. In other words, we are picking Da Bears.

As for The Illusion himself, well, we see him having a better game than he did against Carolina and a worse game than the one at New Orleans. In other words, no touchdowns, one pick, 150 yards and a quarterback rating (probably around 57.0) only a mother would be proud of. Or, to put it in even simpler terms, a game reminiscent of a 1992 Bubby Brister (that's not a good thing, folks). Although, considering The Illusion's last performance against the Bears, a 1992 Bubby Brister performance this time around would be almost Joe Montana-esque (I personally like the possession where, trailing by one and four minutes remaining, The Illusion gets sacked twice and throws an incompletion).

The Vick Illusion's final score prediction: Chicago 17, Fightin' Illusions 6.

And one more note for The Illusion himself: Fear the neck-beard! He might just have a better game than you.


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