Tuesday, December 20, 2005

That Throw Was a BAAAAAD Choice!

The Illusion, needles to say, did not have one of his best games on Sunday as Rex Grossman replaced The Neck-Beard to lead the Chicago Bears to a key 16-3 victory over the Atlanta Falcons. The loss all but eliminates Atlanta from playoff contention; and, once again, I am sure the media will blame the coach, the offense, the defense, anyone or anything but The Illusion.

In a quick search of articles regarding the deflating loss, most columnists seem to point to the fact Atlanta just is not a very good team (although the natives seem to be going against the media and are getting restless with The Illusion). While this might be true, I have a feeling Atlanta would be a lot better with guys who can complete a 10-yard out route. You know, guys like Trent Green, Carson Palmer, Donovan McNabb, Matt Schaub and Brett Favre. Ok, maybe not Favre, he sucks too.

At any rate, I don't think the Channel 4 news team would let The Illusion continue with these types of offensive shenanigans without turning up the heat. I picture Mr. Burgandy and the gang giving The Illusion the verbal thrashing to the masses he deserves.

I mean, couldn't you just picture a highlight of The Illusion during the game, tossing the ball deep, only to have it fall 10-yards short and into the hands of the Bears secondary. At which point, Ron shouts out, "Mr. Mexico, that throw was a BAAAAD choice!"

This would just repeat itself: the throws where he missed wide open receivers by five yards, the throw to himself and the ensuing 14-yard loss, the second pick where he left the receiver out to dry and the two or three throws where the Bears dropped sure interceptions. All the while, Mr. Burgandy just sits back and repeats, "Mr. Mexico, that throw was a BAAAAD choice!"

Of course, the highlights would end with the famed; and, according to Joe Theisman, more developed quarterback Rex Grossman leading the Bears down the field for the victory as Burgandy ends the highlights screaming, "great beard of Zeus!"

As one final dig, Mr. Burgandy would turn to the Ron Mexico Name Generator and sign off in this fashion: "For the Channel 4 news team, I'm Nikko Angola, you stay classy, San Diego." And if it so happens Veronica Corningstone changes the last sentence to something along the lines of "Go f*ck yourself, Mr. Mexico." Even better.

Anyway, that's how I wish the coverage of Mr. Mexico's last game went down. It didn't; but, oh well. I just hope The Illusion gets out of his glass case of emotion before hitting the field again this weekend.

(FYI, Ron Mexico was the name The Illusion used when he checked into hotels while supposedly giving that one girl herpes. But, you probably already knew that.)


Blogger Ski said...

just to point out one inaccuracy in your fictional dream sequence . . . champ, not ron, would be doing the sport's highlights.

but the question remains, who would win a fight between ron's entourage and vick's posse?

1:48 PM  
Blogger Mike said...

champ was on vacation. ron filled in. they played a recored WHAMEEE!!!! out-take for each highlight involving a sack.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Was I wearing my Sex Panther cologne that evening?

3:15 PM  

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